Let's Talk Bastards

Has anyone else noticed that Social Conservatism seems to be flirting with an emotional meltdown? Belligerent and obviously mistaking drunken bathroom sex with The Devil as a direct flight to religious exoneration. While you may claim the word of G-d as your inspiration, if you blaspheme under a cloud of hypocrisy, then you have not only betrayed your cause but you have adulterated your own convictions with little but ignorance as an excuse.


Let’s take bastard children for example. The mere fact that Republicans (who make up the majority of Conservatives or vice versa) are a cocktail of zealots, non-believers, and realists; should be a red flag to anyone attempting to solidify a platform on this issue.

Judeo-Christians in opposition to any deviation from the traditional family can ramble on and on about homosexuals, stripper moms, and perpetuating cycles. And while their scripture most certainly supports their distaste for sodomy (or crustaceans; debatable translation) and premarital sex, it also demands a divine imitation of non-judgment and universal love.

Practice what you preach. The dimples or tears of a child without a father (or one that has two) are adored by G-d with just as much grace and expectation as those who abide by their standards. Their scripture addresses the cause of single parenthood but not the effect. We’ll allow them their malicious testimony if they can cite anything to the contrary.

Until then however, perhaps they should consider introducing preventative sex education alongside abstinence. Young ladies should be aware of the emotional battlefield they teeter on when they sell their soul to love, but should they not heed our warnings, perhaps they will consider their futures enough to protect them from a role of responsibility they are unprepared for.

Like it or not, if our government subsidized birth control with a dedication to privacy, then we would have fewer unplanned pregnancies. Which in an ideal world would condemn the abortion massacre to a position of ‘medical necessity’ as well as lowering the percentage of single parent homes significantly. Let’s be clear, NARAL reports that only 1.6% of abortions in America are for medical reasons, and that’s AFTER they grouped it with incest and rape (so that they could come up with a positive integer).

How does a conservative oppose abortion and illegimate children at the same time? “Well adoption of course.” Valid point, however, not everyone is capable of carrying a child for 9 months and then handing them off to a complete stranger. Look at Lisa Steinberg. And since voters are not currently included in the private decision making process (bummer) we are left responsible only for defining our own personal stand. Pro-choice or Pro-life.

And relax; those silly bumper sticker philosophies are just typical bored liberal provocation. You know the ones, “YOU CAN’T BE PRO-LIFE AND SUPPORT WAR”. Perhaps conservatives should have been a tad more critical when they put a label to the position. Something along the lines of ‘Anti-Infanticide, Pro-Birth, or Let’s Just Not Cut Up Live Fetuses Please’ would have been more appropriate.

However we have yet to find a politically biased time machine, so we’ll just have to live with that one for now (…for now). Until then find comfort in the fact that ‘my body my choice’ was a bad call as well. It’s not your body that winds up in the trash bag sliding towards the incinerator, is it? That it is a human body however is an inarguable fact, just not yours.

We support conscientious decision making in regards to one’s own body in so far as harm is not committed against an innocent bystander. If you murder someone we will execute you (choice). If you claim a Jihad on our children we will send The Marines (choice). If you want to hang yourself we’ll send flowers (choice). While it’s controversial, if you’re of sound mind and set on euthanasia then some of us might support that (choice). Sex makes babies, you made your choice as a willing participant, you still have two left (adoption & parenthood).

Single mothers are young women who take responsibility for their actions by hopefully growing up long before their time, manning up, and allowing their children the same benefits available to their traditionally conceived peers. It’s not easy ladies. It’s double the work with one less teammate and no one’s going to give you a pat on the back for crossing the finish line solo.

However, a father does not guarantee any sort of leg up in life. In fact, a little girl is far better off being raised by her mother with three jobs and wrinkles at 19 than if she had a daddy who beat, raped, and taught her a self worth that was drastically askew.

Conservatives, this world doesn’t belong to us. It belongs to the children. It is our responsibility to do anything and everything we can to afford them the future they deserve. And it is our challenge to accept them regardless of the conditions of their birth. We’re not condoning a society built on hand-outs, we’re fighting for a world with more hand-holding.

If you can’t get past the prejudices that your own parents instilled in you, then you will turn our efforts into a source of public mockery, even going so far as to pit us against one another. Social labeling is irrelevant. Our children are not. I will abandon you before I turn my back on them. The Revolution is Underway, Stand Up or Step Back.